An Arbitrary Number of Important Things I Value at 20 Years Old.
Warning: Buzzfeed-core
- Your physical appearance comes second to your inner beauty, always. But some people attain confidence & self-love through their appearance. Don’t judge them.
This one speaks for itself. Vanity does not exist. We all struggle with accepting and loving the way we look. So when someone finally does, what right do we have to tell them they shouldn’t?
2. Come to terms with your privilege and embody gratitude.
If you’re reading this, you are likely privileged in some way. Acknowledging privilege does not undermine your struggles. Humble yourself and be grateful for the doors you are blessed with access to. Make space for people outside those doors who are not so lucky.
3. Toxic positivity is very real.
Have you seen those cult-like friend groups who always seem to be skirting on without facing any real problems? They seem to ooze “positivity” almost as if they don’t go a day without singing show tunes hand in hand. It’s like there’s an unwritten rule that everyone must be 100% supportive, 100% affirming, and 100% uplifting to one another.
Yeah, that’s not how life works.
Relationships should be able to embrace positivity while still being able to confront negative feelings. Don’t write off conflict as ‘drama.’ When friends fight, it means somebody is hurt or hurting. It is selfish to think you are above another person when they bring up genuine concerns. Pushing someone away because they “kill the vibes” will not make you the protagonist in any narrative.
4. Receive constructive criticism without getting defensive.
Especially if you asked for it. It’s just another opinion. Value others’ feedback and move on if you feel it does not apply. In the end, it is your choice to accept it, anyways.
5. Getting political is not a choice. You can only ignore the important things for so long.
If you can’t get behind this in the year of our lord 2021, you should be so f*cking embarrassed. Ashamed even. You are not as disconnected from the events in the news as you want to believe. Show up for your fellow humans. Human rights are all of our responsibility: BIPOC rights, women’s rights, LGBTQ+ rights, disabled persons’ rights, and religious rights.
“My silences had not protected me. Your silence will not protect you. But for every real word spoken, for every attempt I had ever made to speak those truths for which I am still seeking, I had made contact with other women while we examined the words to fit a world in which we all believed, bridging our differences.” — Audre Lorde in The Cancer Journals
6. You do not need to expend energy to weed out the “fakes” in your life.
They will leave on their own. Know your worth and give time only to those who truly like you for you. The others will leave once they realize they can’t get anything from you.
7. You don’t find love, you create it.
We spend our days chasing love not realizing that it’s something created over time between & amongst people. Meet as many people as you want, but true love will never be in the cards for you if you aren’t seeking to form special bonds with others.
And don’t just chase romance. Focus on maintaining the love you already have with your family & friends. Constantly put yourself in situations where you can meet new people and make new friends.
8. Nothing is futile in the name of activism. Do what you can.
We shouldn’t be posting on social media performatively, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t post at all. Showing support for a movement could mean an epiphany for a family member or friend or follower or fan who is on the fence with their support. Issues like Black Lives Matter, anti-Asian hate, and trans rights need all the support they can get as these movements must remain hypervisible in mainstream media for as long as possible to see meaningful change.
Donate. Volunteer in your community. Provide platforms for the marginalized.
9. An unknown author once said, “Nobody is posting to show off. You are simply viewing with jealousy.” Evil eye is also very real.
In this ongoing era of social media, everything is documented; everything is shared. Duh. We are flooded with everybody else’s life & it makes it hard to focus on our own. Though I will not deny the harmful effect of social media on self-esteem & how this system preys on insecurities, I must acknowledge that there is yet another internal struggle we must all face individually.
If someone else’s posts about their successes or even just their selfies can quickly kill your confidence, there’s some unlearning we need to do.
Accept that everyone’s path is different. Stop internalizing society’s (usually unreasonable) expectations for how you should live your life and create your own. Once you do that, you will not look upon others’ triumphs as reflections of your failures.
10. Isolation will never help you.
For many of us, doing so has been a response to or symptom of struggles with mental health. That is different. But as a personality trait, bottling up your emotions & building an imaginary palace in which to hide is a self-destructive behavior that only exacerbates the pain you are experiencing. Babe, this is not Frozen and you are not Elsa. Only when you embrace your vulnerability & ask for help from others will you gain the strength to face your problems head-on.
If you are struggling with matters of mental health, please seek outside help. Resources are available here.
11. I’m glad you love to speak, but sometimes you need to listen.
Your voice matters. And so does everyone else's. Speak only when it’s your turn. This doesn’t only apply politically. Relationships often suffer because the parties spend their days talking at each other, failing to hear what matters.
12. Hard work will not always pay off in the end, and that sucks. (It really sucks bad.)
I spent an entire year writing, producing, and funding a song that will never be released.
Let it sting for a bit, and move on. Accept that at any point, you may be working towards nothing and it will hurt much less. That’s just how it is, I’m sorry. Oh, cruel world!
13. Piggybacking off of the previous point, do not fail in vain. Learn.
We do not gain much else from our failures, so why not at least learn something? And this takes time. You will fail in the same way many, many times. But you’ll get there. You will!
15. Finally, age is a place marker of biological time, not a roadmap for necessary accomplishments.
Do whatever you want, whenever you want. But actually do it though. There is no age for anything, but you still need to muster up the courage to actually do whatever it is you want to do. In the words of Hannah @yourvoiceteacher on TikTok, “DO THE DAMN THING.” Whew, more “do’s” here than a toilet.
